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1) The kia (know it all)
This traveller has been everywhere and done everything and even has
the compulsory Lao beer t-shirt to prove it. Whatever you’ve done, he’s
done one better, whatever you’ve seen, he’s seen it all before.
Knowledgeable (and opinionated) about everything, he’ll try and
patronise you at ever opportunity.
2) The old crusty
Either anorexically thin or with “pot” belly, a year old tan and
wrinkles. Dreaded and possibly tattoed to the max, this horizontal dude
wears noting but a sarong and a nosering. Yeah man.
3) The chaveller
Straight out of Essex, this burberry boy is headed straight to
Phuket, Ko Samui or Cairns.Beer, bongs and babes are the only thing
he’ll remember. Here for a good time, not a long time. “You want
massage?” brings a tear to his ah-em eye.
4) The shiny new gapper
Not a wrinkle or crease in sight. Pristine new backpack and bikini
bought by mummy. Either off to Africa to change the world and herself
or to Sydney to get hammered and pretend to mummy dearest she’s working
hard.
5) The god-fearing missionary
Generally wearing tie-dye/fisherman trousers/jesus sandals, this
traveller makes you feel guilty to the core about all those needy
children needing conversion to God.
6) The trendy traveller
Decked out in sparkly scarf either fashioned round neck or head,
nose/lip or eyebrow piercing, fold-over fisherman pants (coloured
variety only) plus jewellery overload and an aloof, I’m significantly
better than yauw attitude.
Also of note is the couple with kid, affluent traveller (seen my prada backpack darling?) and the cynical second timers.
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